Twisted Xmas 2: A Twistmas Carol

Poe sez:

yo suggested yesterday that McFarlane Toys create a second series of Twisted Xmas toys, this time based on Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Given that it's a ghost story featuring supernatural creatures, graveyards, corpses, and Victorian-era values ripe for the perverting, I think this is a no-brainer for McToys - and a sure-seller.

Here's how I envision the line:

  • Ebeneezer Scrooge - a grotesque, hunchbacked miser, carrying a sack of filthy lucre and leaning on a cane with a death's head knob.
  • The Ghost of Jacob Marley - a horrific, zombie-like corpse, completely buried in huge chains, padlocks, safes, shackles and other heavy iron objects. His jaw-wrappings would be in shreds, and his rotten jaw would be dangling by a thread of cartilage over his chest.
  • The Ghost of Christmas Past - the obligatory hot chick of the line. In the novel this ghost is actually a kind of young/old male spirit, but enough movie versions have made it a woman to make it work in the public imagination. This figure would just be a scantily-clad fairy, probably carrying a big candle extinguisher.
  • The Ghost of Christmas Present - described as a "giant" in the book, I envision McFarlane's version as a huge, gluttonous ogre. His base would be covered with half-eaten food and his magic torch would be more like a monstrous flaming club.
  • The Ghost of Christmas Yet-to-Come - C'mon, this one's easy! Personally I'd love something that looked like the thing from Scrooged, but I have faith that McFarlane would come up with something suitably monstrous.
  • Tiny Tim - This one would probably be the most tasteless (and there's always one in these Monsters lines). In the novel he wears those Forrest Gump-style leg braces and carries a crutch. I envision McFarlane's Tiny Tim as a hulking, deformed teenager with giant robotic braces on his legs–and a crutch like a claymore.
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4 Responses to Twisted Xmas 2: A Twistmas Carol

  1. Shocka says:

    You, sir, are a wonderful man. I dig all of those ideas muchly, especially the demented Tiny Tim. Christmas Yet-to-Come would freak me out something chronic.

    • Poe Ghostal says:

      I actually had to wrack my brain for a few minutes to think of a sixth figure for the line before my fiancee reminded me about Tiny Tim. I think he would be the clincher for Todd, given the grotesque irony of the design.

  2. Mumma Ghostal says:

    You are all twisted and demented.

    However, since there have been a million takes and variations of The Christmas Carol, perhaps Poe can craft one using appropriate toy lines from his youth? Skeletor as Scrooge…? Grimlock as one The Ghosts?

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