McCullen Clan Family History addendum

In today's review of the McCullen Family History box set, yo said the book includes a timeline of the family's arms-dealing highlights. But he didn't have the common sense to share any of them, so let's take a look:

Herein is contained the history of the Clan McCullen, which has changed the course of mankind for countless generations and will forge the fate of the world for generations to come. Recorded herein are the glorious accomplishments of our ancestors and the unjust punishments wrought upon us by those who covet our power. You who are reading this have a solemn duty to swear, upon the blood of your ancestors to take up the mantle of destiny with pride, honor and responsibility.

The name McCullen shall live forever and be written across eternity by my sons, and their sons, and their sons' sons!

James McCullen 1st 1413-1465
Clan Chief: 1438-1464
Named for King James 1st, reigning king of Scotland when he was born. Supplied yew wood for longbows to the British.

James McCullen 2nd 1435-1478
Clan Chief: 1464-1478
Acquired Silent Castle from holdings of Vlad Tepesh. Introduced matchlocks and shoulder stocks to rifles.

James McCullen 3rd 1466-1537
Clan Chief: 1478-1521
Introduced a DaVinci-designed armored tank to the battlefields of Italy.

James McCullen 4th 1492-1554
Clan Chief: 1521-1540
Introduced rifled, long-range sniping firearms, marketed for "eliminating enemy commanders at up to half a mile."

James McCullen 5th 1516-1546
Clan Chief: 1540-1546
Cast 20 bronze siege cannons for the Ottoman Empire, after fortifying their target, Vienna, against naval assault.

James McCullen 6th 1545-1594
Clan Chief: 1546-1582
Built heavily gunned galleons for the Italians and Spanish, effectively ending the age of oar-powered ships in naval warfare.

James McCullen 7th 1568-1631
Clan Chief: 1582-1610
Monopolized gunpowder production and sales before introducing the flintlock to Europe. Supplied ships and powder to stop the Spanish Armada.

James McCullen 8th 1589-1633
Clan Chief: 1610-1633
Ran a pirate ring in the Caribbean, raiding ships from any nation and reselling their cargo through legitimate business fronts.

James McCullen 9th 1613-1703
Clan Chief: 1633-1641
Sold weapons to all sides during the Thirty Years' War; was punished with Iron Mask by the French for selling arms to Spain. Designed and tested military submarines in the English Channel.

James McCullen 10th 1633-1705
Clan Chief: 1641-1705
Built Ships for both England and the Netherlands in the Anglo-Dutch War. Assassinated in 1705.

James McCullen 11th 1660-1717
Clan Chief: 1705-1717
Supported, with men and arms, the Jacobite uprising. Provided first Iron Grenadiers as a bodyguard to James VII.

James McCullen 12th 1681-1705
Clan Chief: 1717-1718
Sold arms and troops to all sides in the War of the Quadruple Alliance. Killed at the battle of Cape Passaro.

James McCullen 13th 1704-1728
Clan Chief:1718-1728
Supplied ships to Spain for besieging Gibraltar, while sending weapons and supplies to the English defenders.

James McCullen 14th 1725-1806
Clan Chief: 1728-1778
Introduced the shrapnel shell to artillery engagements. Supported parliamentary acts imposed on the American colonies, in anticipation of revolt and revolution.

James McCullen 15th 1750-1801
Clan Chief: 1778-1801
Sold the same rifle designs to both sides in the American Revolution, shipping supplies to American troops on British ships.

James McCullen 16th 1769-1813
Clan Chief: 1801-1813
Followed Napolean on campaign, sending back weapons designs, refinements, and contracts through electochemical telegraph.

James McCullen 17th 1789-1855
Clan Chief: 1813-1841, 1846-1855
The only McCullen to run the family business twice, retiring in 1841 due to illness, and returning in 1846 after the death of James 18th.

James McCullen 18th 1809-1846
Clan Chief: 1841-1846
Died in a plane crash outside Palo Alto, while selling weapons to warlords throughout the American west.

James McCullen 19th 1840-1893
Clan Chief: 1855-1890
To test his new rocket designs, sold them to both sides in the American Civil War. Introduced Gatling guns to modern warfare, offering special prices for multiple orders.

James McCullen 20th 1869-1914
Clan Chief: 1890-1914
Financed Nikolai Tesla's death ray experiments outside of Tunguska, Russia. Deployed a Tesla-designed device into orbit in 1913 for his personal use.

James McCullen 21st 1893-1962
Clan Chief: 1914-1938
Introduced armored tanks in 1915 and anti-tank rifles in 1917. Created and tested low orbit capable fighter-bombers and troop transports.

James McCullen 22nd 1918-1988
Clan Chief: 1938-1967
Designed a system to disable V2 rockets in flight over the English Channel. Designed ICBMs and missile defense systems to be sold to competing countries.

James McCullen 23rd 1947-1993
Clan Chief: 1967-1993
Bought massive stocks of war surplus equipment to resell to developing nations; utilized connections in Sierra Gordo to test new equipment in jungle conditions.

James McCullen 24th 1973-present
Clan Chief: 1993-present
Designed and implemented projected-force handheld weaponry, advanced body armor, and troop conditioning procedures. Developed advanced nanomite technology.

So that's the history. Just the bare facts - for the whole experience, you'll have to buy the set from Hasbro. Then you can see how the front cover (lairds 1-13) has a background of traditional weaponry, hand-drawn on parchment, while the back cover (14-24) has blueprints of modern Joe-type vehicles. This really is a good presentation, and one more reason the Destro two-pack is so awesome.

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One Response to McCullen Clan Family History addendum

  1. Hello,
    My name is Patrick Gerald McCullen and Ian a direct descendant to James Mccullen 9th, and earlier. I am an artist by trade and have movie credits for Disney's Hercules, Tarzan, Mulan and The Emperor's New Groove.
    I am not a warlord and I do not design sell or invent weapons. I changed my name legally in 1980 to Patrick G McClintock
    I humbly submit my lineage to you.

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