Children of the '90s Try to Explain '80s Cartoons

This was a Buzzfeed article. But since Buzzfeed just lifts its content from other sites, it's time for other sites to lift content right back. So you don't need this link to read the entire thing. Just click on the different pages.

Jack: All right friends, let's talk about our favorite '80s action cartoons!
Erin: I was alive in the '80s for two months.
Kayla: I don't know much about the '80s, except for Tina Turner and The Cosby Show. And Madonna.

Jack: Who would you guys say these people are?

Kayla: G.I. Joe?
Erin: I like the man in the leotard in the back. "Man-O-Tard." I also know this is G.I. Joe, but only because of the viral YouTube sensation.
Kayla: The man in the denim vest is UNF worthy.
Erin: These look like The Village People. If all the Village People were in the army.
Kayla: It’s fun to stay at the A-R-M-Y.
[Editor's note: The "guy with the leotard" at the back is Scarlett. She is a counter-intelligence specialist.]

Jack: What about this person? Do you know who he is and what he does?
Erin: Captain Falcon? From Super Smash Bros? And that's Gene Simmons in the back.
Kayla: He looks like he’s ready to take on the world. I'm more interested in the bae on the left though, tbh.
Tanner: Is he good or bad?
Kayla: This guy kind of reminds me of someone from Inspector Gadget? Did that show have like a guy who never showed his face?
Erin: Darth Vader.
Tanner: Dr. Claw.

Jack: What about this guy?
Erin: I would name him Cobra Commander, which might already be a thing. He seems bad too. Based on, you know, snakes..
Tanner: What is he from?
Kayla: Power Rangers?
Erin: Yeah!

Jack: OK, this is a "Hero or Villain?" round. Tell me what you think the character's name is, whether they are a hero or a villain, and what their deal is.

Erin: Oooh this dude is BAD. Venom from Spider-Man?
Kayla: He's totally a hero. He looks like he's gonna save a town with those swords.
Erin: How does he see? Or does he just feel?

Erin: She's a hero. Well, she's my hero. Because she is rocking that spandex. Her name is Molly; she likes books. She shoots people who don’t like books.
Kayla: She's a villain, b/c she's too hot to be good. her name is Lady Bombshell Brunette.
Erin: She's ridding the world of IGNORANCE.
Kayla: She lures ppl in with her hot looks and spandex.

Erin: VILLAIN. His name is Vin Diesel's dad. He steals people's curtains to make his collar bigger.
Kayla: He takes off his gray gloves and throws people into a tank with sharks.
[Editor's note: Weirdly, Kayla is right about this.]

Kayla: OMG total hero.
Erin: Hi there.
Kayla: Can I have yo numba.
Erin: His name is probably just Bruce because he's a laid-back dude.
Kayla: He saves people by tattooing their arms. his name is Dr. Dirrty Dan.
Erin: He's going to catch fish for our seafood dinner tonight.

Erin: Ugh, villain.
Kayla: He really intimidates me. So villain.
Erin: I just hate this guy.
Kayla: He kinda reminds me of Jorgen Von Strangle from The Fairly OddParents.
[Editor's note: Literally no idea what that is.]
Erin: He doesn't deserve a name. He reminds me of Porn Stache from OITNB.
Kayla: His name is Burt Reynolds.

Jack: OK, fill-in-the-blanks time. Riddle me this: One half of the battle is warfare. What is the other half of the battle?
Erin: Just having fun and being yourself?

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4 Responses to Children of the '90s Try to Explain '80s Cartoons

  1. Peter says:

    Oh, man.. I am losing it at the "raphael is cool but rapey" bit. Too good.

  2. My Common Sense is Tingling says:

    I believe in Amphibob.

  3. This was an important archival project as the original article no longer has any images.

  4. Pingback: Turtle Talk – Matt The Catania

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