Children of the '90s Try to Explain '80s Cartoons

Jack: You should know this one. Who are these people and what show are they from?

Erin: Are these the Mutant Ninja Turtles before they became mutants?
Kayla: They're villains, and enjoy crushing turtles. And they're from Growing Pains?
Jack: Erin, you got your second semi-correct answer! Kayla, you are still like 0 for 100.
Erin: This is like a weird mix of The Lion King and Sparta. How do they characters even fit together? You have real animals, human animals, and humans. Like pick a fucking topic.

Jack: OK, who is this person, what show is he from, and what is his deal?
[Editor's note: It’s difficult to capture the feeling in the room here, but at this point, Kayla and Erin lose their fucking minds about Krang for some reason. Like they have never seen anything like it in their weird, short, mostly TMNT-less lives.]

Kayla: TINY ARMS
Erin: This guy is my next boyfriend.
Kayla: THUNDA THIGHS. Who you calling pinhead?
Erin: OK, wow, I am getting flustered over here.
Kayla: *fans self*
Erin: This is Lifeguard Luke, he is good.
Kayla: And the little meatball inside of him is his spirit guide.
Erin: He's wearing his speedo so he can jump in the pool and save people and you can see through his stomach so he doesn't try to swim after eating and get cramps.

Erin: This is Hugh Hefner's pet rat.
Jack: You should know this one!
Kayla: His name is Dr. Sherlock Doggie.
Jack: No.
Kayla: Oh, he's a rat.
Erin: Splinter?
Jack: YES
Erin: Shredder?
Jack: :​(
Erin: Sorry I wish I didn't say that last part. I was born in the '80s, don’t forget. '89, baby!

Jack: Complete these phrases: "Leonardo leads, Donatello does ____"
Erin: Coke.
Jack: "Raphael is cool but ____"
Erin: Rapey.
Kayla: Clingy.
Jack: "Michaelangelo's ____"
Erin: A famous painter.
Kayla: Artsy.
Jack: "When the evil Shredder _____s, these Turtle boys don't _____"
Kayla: Calls, fall.
Jack: "They're the world's most fearsome ____"
Kayla: Gang.
Erin: Foursome.
Kayla: I like the way that sounds.
Jack: "They're heroes in a half-shell and they're ____"
Erin: Oysters?
Jack: "Splinter taught them to be ____"
Kayla: Brave.
Erin: Cautious around rough wood.

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3 Responses to Children of the '90s Try to Explain '80s Cartoons

  1. Peter says:

    Oh, man.. I am losing it at the "raphael is cool but rapey" bit. Too good.

  2. My Common Sense is Tingling says:

    I believe in Amphibob.

  3. This was an important archival project as the original article no longer has any images.

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