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Hug 'N Roar Hulk

Spider-Man and Friends
by Shocka

We're drawing towards the end of Retro Month, and little is left to be said. Except for fer-GWEEK!

Here at OAFEnet, we've already looked at one of the oddities that is the Spider-Man and Friends toys, but we've barely scratched the surface. Today, faithful reader, you're about to get a look at what is one of the greatest toys ever made, the next wonder of the world - the super-friendly, kid-powered Hug 'N Roar Hulk.

Hug 'N Roar Hulk What is it about the Hug 'N Roar Hulk that makes it so very unique? The fella stands about 14 1/2" tall, although he doesn't stand much at all because he's just a big plushie. Not really an action figure, but since he's part of an action figure line, we'll ignore that. His entire body is squeezable and huggable except his head, molded in plastic hard enough to brain little Johnny if Susie takes a swing at him with it. Ah, brain damage. The sculpt presents a bigger, friendlier Hulk, like a caricature of the big scary brute we all know. It fits right into the line and all, but that's not the reason he's so brilliant.

Because it's basically a big plush toy, articulation can't be it. He's quite huggable and his limbs all move easily, but you're not going to get any poses out of this fella. Likewise getting him to stand is almost impossible, as his flat-and-weighted feet are useless. You also can't get his purple pants off, they're stiched on nice and tight, so there's no Hulk-wang love there. So what is so recommendable about this guy?

Simply pick him up and give him a squeeze.

Hulk, roaring. Then prepare for the most horrible baby-in-a-blender scream your poor ears have ever witnessed. Hug 'N Roar Hulk's "roar" is much less of a roar, and more of a baby being tortured - it's enough to traumatise any child unlucky enough to pick up the damn thing in the store and give it a squeeze. It's completely wonderful. As a college student, once upon a time those big Hulk fists were the bad boys to play with - now, it's been replaced by this monstrosity. The current prank is to call people up in the middle of the night and have the Hug 'N Roar Hulk scream them awake - beautiful.

Cock goes in here. The "kid-powered" part of the toy involves squeezing it to push out all of the air, then releasing it to suck air in through a reed in his head. When this happens, his mouth opens and he does his magical screaming thing. This thing gets even better: because it's such a threat to children's psyche, they're not selling anywhere - expect to get them at bargain prices. That's what we like!

Simply put, Hug 'N Roar Hulk is the greatest thing ever created. If you only buy one toy this year, then you're crazy, but you should buy this anyway. YAAAAAAAAAARRGHH!!!!

Can you imagine anything more horrible than Hug 'N Roar Hulk? Tell us on our message board, the Loafing Lounge.


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