The Action Figures... In Action:
Episode 6

"And finally, here's your present Leia. Now, don't assume that just because I gave everyone else a stylish brown vest this year that I got you one too. I could have gotten you something different..."

Down to his last present, Chewie couldn't help but notice his heart beating faster. Sure the other gifts were great, but how many combs does one Wookie need? He hoped that this one would be it, the only present that he had really wanted. Under his breath he was already chanting "Elmo, Elmo, Elmo..."

Sometimes on a Friday night, Han would talk Luke into a round of "Stormtrooper Tipping". Now, Luke knew that wasn't the most mature thing to do. It certainly wasn't the most Jedi-like of activities either. But it was such a hoot to watch the Stromtroopers in their "Crowd Stomping Gear" wiggle around and try to get up!

Now you listen, and listen good Han Solo! If I let you keep him, you'll be the one who walks him, feeds him, and cleans up after him. And so help me, if I step in Bantha pudu even once, you're both outta here!"

'Twas the Night Before Christmas,
POFToo Style

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through TRU,
The scalpers were searching for an "investment" or two.
Their vans were parked in the lot by the door,
They dropped off one load then went back for more.

Tickle Me Elmos were thrown in their carts with great haste,
New Star Wars toys too - no time to waste.
Running, skipping, dancing in the aisles,
Knocking over stockboys, grabbing figures by the pile!

Then, from the front door, there arose such a clatter.
The night manager ran out to see what was the matter.
He ran to entry and what should appear?
It looked like Santa, with red suit and white beard!

As the manager walked closer, he slowed down because,
By the way Santa walked, no ordinary Santa this was!
He had a range finder above his eye through which he surveyed the store,
Under the red suit was armor, his boots clanked the floor!

As the manager watched, Santa moved down one aisle,
To where the scalpers were standing, each one with a smile.
But as Santa approached, their smiles disappeared,
Their eyes grew beady, their mouths became sneers.

"Too bad for you Santa," they said with a moan,
"Get your own presents, leave our collectibles alone.
You've got all the toys you want, made by your elves,
So leave us alone to clean these off the shelves."

"As you wish", Santa said as he raised his right arm,
The Wookie scalps dangled! His sawed-off blaster was armed!
The scalpers' eyes widened, their jaws dropped in fright.
Santa moved the blaster, placing each one in his sights.

"The matter is simple, these toys are for kids.
But you're selling them at flea markets or 'accepting high bids!'
You're 'providing a service?' A service to who?
Well, here's where it ends. Here's what you will do:

"You'll put these toys back, all in their right places.
You'll hand them to parents and put smiles on their faces.
These things you will do and if I hear 'no'..."
Santa nodded toward his blaster and then said, "Let's go".

Most scalpers ran, a few in fear walked.
As the manager watched, his shelves were restocked!
When they were finished, they all ran out the door.
For the first time in months, not a scalper in the store!

His work at TRU finished, a job well done,
Santa exited the store and climbed into Sleigh-1.
As the ship raised from the ground, the manager heard called,
"Happy collecting everyone, from Santa Fett, the POFToo Gang,
and especially Paul!

Elmer of Peducah, KY writes:

Dear POFToo gang, I was wondering if you guys have ever received any awards for your acting?

Well Elmer, we have received several awards that include The Raving Toy Maniac Cool Toy Site of the Week in October and Adam Pawlus's Top Site Award for the months of December and January.

And of course we are all keeping our fingers crossed that we'll be nominated in the "POFTooey!" awards to be held this spring. I personally hope to be nominated for "Best Comedy Performance By a Variation" for my role in the "Han Hiding Behind Carbonite" episode.

- Tan Vested Luke Jedi

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