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Deadpool 2
by yo go re

In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only DirecTV.

"You remind me of my wife."

"I'm sorry?"

"I said you remind me of m--"

"No, I'm sorry that you said that while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm."

Sorry, I just love that exchange. One of the best in the film. If you want a more serious quote as an intro to the character, how about "This time makes people soft. I was born into war. Bred into it. People think they understand pain. But they have no concept of it. What's the most pain you've ever felt? Maybe the kind that leaves you more machine than man"? That's so dark! ["Are you sure you're not from the DC Universe?" --ed.]

Including Cable in the Deadpool sequel was a smart decision. The two have a long history in the comics, and Nate's stoic demeanor is a perfect foil for Wade's madcap antics - he's the grouchy straight man who sets the stage for all the punchlines. While we were hoping for Ron Perlman (or Jim Carrey) to be Cable, picking Thanos turned out to be a great choice. And the toy's got a mediocre likeness, with the haircut and the scarred eye doing a lot of the heavy lifting in that regard; if not for those, you might think this toy was from an alternate reality where Brad Pitt actually did get the role.

Although Cable showed up to our time in some kind of fancy future-suit, he spent most of the film in a T-shirt and cargo pants, which is what this figure delivers. His left arm looks more like a real mechanical device than Winter Soldier's does, with shaped metal plates and visible cables taking the place of actual anatomy. We can also tell this is more than a simple prosthetic, because the metal continues to spread up his neck under the skin - the movie didn't want to waste time explaining the whole "techno-organic virus" backstory, but the character design makes it clear it's still there.

Since he was limited to modern-day attire, Cable doesn't wear crazy armor or anything - no shoulder pads! He does wear armor, but it's a tac vest like any weekend warrior could get his hands on today. That's a separate piece over the shirt, not just a part of the torso. Unexpected choice! It's not like the torso is reused from Luke Cage or anything - Luke didn't have T-O virus damage on his neck, and didn't have a barbell-joint head like this one does. The vest is molded with extra ammo on it, taking the place of his usual straps and pouches, but you know what we don't get? His goddamn fanny pack utility bag. He brought that with him from the future, but loses it now? Noooo!! Maybe it wouldn't fit under the included cape, and the Marvel team pays more attention than the Star Wars team. His belt is also a separate piece, with two working holsters and his daughter's teddy bear.

Cable got his clothes by breaking into an Army and Navy store, and that's where his guns come from as well. The movie couldn't quite give Cable a comic-accurate GSG (Giant Stupid Gun), but they came close by having him assemble one from parts of other guns: a Kirss Vector base, Tommy gun stock, AR-15 barrel shroud, Barrett M82 muzzle brake, and more. The M203 grenade launcher underneath can be removed, and replaced with the standalone FN EGLM grenade launcher he carries on his belt. His second holster has a Walther PPQ Q5 Match pistol. What, you thought they were going to arm him with Nerf guns?

For whatever reason, Cable is a Walmart exclusive. I saw him in a store only once so far, and that was a good month or so before my preorder shipped. Of course, I haven't seen him in any of the other WMs I go to at all, so who knows what's up with that? 2020 has been a weird time to try being a toy collector. Is there any reason Cable couldn't have been a mass release, like Domino? Maybe they're planning a two-pack of him and Deadpool in his X-Force colors. That'd be a good way to get the molds back out. This is a decent figure, but it's currently way too rare. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go see if Thor's time-travel hand will fit into Cable's wrist.

-- 12/28/20

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