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The Brat

by yo go re

Okay, so when do we get a toy of Missy Elliot, so we can re-create the "Sock It 2 Me" video?

Relish the wins.

There's an entire subset of Fortnite skins that are based on food. And we're not even talking about things like Beef Boss and Tomatohead, where it's clearly a human wearing a mascot costume, but creatures who are giant, anthropomorphic foodstuffs. You know, like Peely, the seven-foot-tall banana. Or the Bao Bros, whose faces are too expressive to just be masks. For breakfast fans, there's Mancake, the cowboy pancake stack; for a meal later in the day, one of the new NPCs this season is Cobb, the eerily silent ear of corn; when it's time for dessert, you can either have Lil' Whip, a big ice cream cone DJ, or Mincemeat, an utterly creepy human-sized pie. And of course, there's also The Brat.

The Brat looks like a Pokemon evolution of Grossery Gang's Grot Dog: a sausage wearing a bun as a vest. Rather than a Road Warrior, this one is dressed like a frat boy, though. A bratwurst fraternity - a braternity. He's wearing the bun-vest, yes, but also has a pair of grey skinny jeans that are ripped at the knees. He's got socks and sneakers, wears a belt and a wristwatch, and has a necklace that's made up of smaller sausage links. That's kind of a creepy thing to have, considering his arms (and presumably legs, though we can't see them) are also made of joined links like that. It would be the equivalent of a necklace of human fingers.

The Brat has two "styles" in the game, selectable versions of the outfit that let you make your Brat skin look different from other people's Brat skin. It's just a minor change: you can either have him wearing a backwards baseball cap or not. The toy re-creates this by having a removeable hat. The glasses are permanently attached to the face, because like most of the Legendary Series figures, The Brat has multiples: one happy, one sad. Plus, you can turn the hat around whatever way you want, since the toy's head is basically circular.

The design of the body reduces the articulation somewhat. The Brat has no neck, no chest joint... the rest is all there though: hinged toes, swivel/hinge ankles, swivel shins, double-hinged knees, swivel thighs, balljointed hips, a swivel waist, hinged fingers, swivel/hinge wrists, double-hinged elbows, swivel biceps that get perfectky disguised by the shape of the arms, and swivel/hinge shoulders. The vest is a separate piece that you can slip off if you want to, and doing that would allow you to take the necklace off, too - those may not be standard looks for the game character, but you can do what you want with your toy.

The colors on The Brat are very striking. His skin is that red-orange color you expect from hot dogs, and his dark jeans contrast against it nicely, while still being light enough that you can tell they're not the same color as his black shoes. The amount of relish that someone has put on this hot dog is suspect (but then, putting any relish on a hot dog is evidence of some sort of chronic brain disease), and they've chosen to top their dog with mustard instead of a normal human being's ketchup - probably because yellow will be more visible than red. There are airbrushed grill marks on the back of the bun, which really don't make a lot of sense, and don't look as good on the toy as they do on the digital version.

Beyond his optional hat and face, The Brat includes the same Pump Shotgun Agent peely had, a Crossbow (unlike Meowscles', it doesn't fire), and aHarpoon Gun. His Back Bling is the Cooler, a... well, a cooler. Like for camping. Or tailgating. Red body, white lid, label on the front identifying it as "Jammy's," whatever that means... all that. You can even take a peek inside and see some Slurp Juice and what appears to be Fishstick's orange arm dangling out. His Harvesting Tool is particularly gruesome in his case: it's the Knockwurst, a big sausage on a skewer. Geeze, first the necklace, now this? Calm down, Dahmer!

The Brat is a fun, silly design suitable for any number of collections. Sure, he could be in the Loop in Fortnite, but couldn't he just as easily be a truly whacked-out Green Lantern alien? Or a D-tier Marvel mutant? We already saw Wolverine fighting a giant banana, think how hilarious it would be to see Batman vs. a humongous hot dog.

-- 04/30/21

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