Footloose

He should just wear tighter boots, then. Footloose was standing on the boardwalk in Venice pondering something cosmic when the utter pointlessness of his existence hit him between the eyes like a runaway freight train. "I think I'll enlist," he said, and promptly did. He's the All-American Boy who got lost on the way to the fair and he's simply trying to go home any which way he can. The Generation 2 and 3 filecards changed that wording to the "randomness" of existence, so it's good to see Classified Footloose re-embracing his nihilistic outlook. In 2025, Footloose is all of us! Like many Classified figures recently, the photo on the back of this figure's box references '80s GI Joe media: it shows Footloose and Dusty in a desert, standing in front of a couple tanks (one upside down and smoking), which may seem like a pretty vague thing, but it's definitely a reference to the Season 1 cartoon episode "Hearts and Cannons," which Hasbro currently has online for free. Footloose is the most "military" Joe we've gotten in a while. As we get into the era of shirtless kickpunchers, an infantryman in green camo and tan webgear stands out. That's one case where we don't mind a Classified design being mostly the same as the original figure's, because BDUs are BDUs. Like always, he's wearing short sleeves, but there's new padding on the outside of the shoulders, and reinforced panels around the knees. The pants have a sculpted texture and small flap pockets on the front of the hips. The webgear is absolutely covered in wrinkles, clips, straps, and all sorts of mini details that make it look really impressive. Footloose's defining feature was that he wore a helmet with leaves stuck into the netting on it. This figure includes the same, though it's a tighter shape, has a mounting clip on the front, and the leaves look more like moss. The helmet is removable, though between its slim size and dual chin straps, getting it off and on can be tricky. Underneath it, his hair is reddish brown, and he's got his familiar mustache - but why does it have a big gap right down the center? The camouflage is painted cleanly, but there are an impressively high number of paint apps on the back of his harness. As in "any." No cutting corners there! He's got a US flag on his right shoulder, and a red four-leafed clover on his left. Like the original G1 Footloose, he's wearing two watches: one silver, and one green. What's up with those, dude? We get the usual GI Joe Clasified articulation: swivel/hinge ankles, swivel shins, double-hinged knees, swivel thighs, hips that are a balljoint mounted on a hinge, balljointed waist, hinged chest, swivel/hinge wrists, double-hinged elbows, swivel biceps, swivel/hinge shoulders, pectoral hinges, balljointed neck, and a barbell head. The webgear means the chest hinge doesn't do much, but that's to be expected. The stock photos show off his articulation by having him sit cross-legged and meditating, which suits him: even in "Hearts and Cannons," that's how he deals with stressful situations such as finding himself in the middle of a mine field. His stats are Foot Soldier 2, Launcher 2, Hand-to-Hand Combat 2, and Jungle Combat 2. You can't say he's not consistent. His accessories include a knife for the sheath on his chest and a pistol for the holster on the back of his belt, a fairly simple backpack, a machine gun, and a bazooka with a removable rocket and a little "Tiger Force"-style mouth painted on the barrel. Unlike Bazooka's bazooka, this is a more realistic style, which means it's just a tube, not something with a traditional grip and trigger. Since the portrait on the left side of the box shows him flashing a peace sign, it would have been great if they'd included an alternate hand doing that. For such a straightforward "guy in a realistic uniform" toy, Footloose is fairly memorable character, thanks mainly to the personality Larry Hama gave him and voice actor Will Tyan's totally, like, peaced-out delivery, man. The new style of helmet throws off his look a little, but you get used to it fairly quickly and you're left with a nice modern representation of the character. -- 08/15/25 How do you make The Dude a soldier? Tell us on our message board, the Loafing Lounge.