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Greta, the Female Gremlin

by yo go re

Oh, she's certainly got a new batch, all right!

Since NECA began making Gremlins, fans have been asking for Greta, the female Gremlin. Not this time, not last time, the first time. So, just like with Machiko Noguchi, NECA listened and patience paid off, and now we've got a lone female in this monstrous sausage party. ["Monstrous Sausage Party" is the name of my GOP cover band --ed.]

Of all the Gremlins who got mutated in the Splice of Life lab, Greta is the only one we don't see undergo the process - she just shows up being her best self. In the words of Star Magic Jackson, Jr., "lipstick, boobies... bitch you had me at 'little Gremlin vajayjay,' I love it so much that's not only in the movie it's definitely in the movie, there's no backsies on that one, no penny taxis."

Greta is a brighter green than her male counterparts, a shade that's got more blue in it than yellow. She's also got bright red lipstick (to match her painted fingernails), blue eyeshadow, and a blac mole beauty mark above her right lip. Like the rest of her species, she still has the spikes around her brow lines and along her jaw, but hers are less pronounced than her brothers'. Her waist isn't really any thinner, but it is higher, and unless that bra she's wearing is padded, she's got Gremlin-boobs. Groobs. She's also somehow managed to cram her Gremlin feet into black high-heeled shoes. Come on, Greta, suffering for beauty is so passé! This is the '90s; that kind of thinking went out with Reagan!

Greta is only the second Gremlin to have hair, following Stripe from the first movie. NECA could easily have sculpted hair for her, but went the rooted route instead. It's stylish (for the era) and vibrant green, even brighter than her skin. A thick plastic band helps hold it in place in the packaging, so you'll need to get that off her to fully enjoy the hair. It falls around her shoulders just like it did in the movie, and her ears poke out the sides. This can't have been easy for the factory to get right!

The articulation is not as good on Greta as it is on the other Ultimate Gremlins. She still has swivel/hinge ears, a balljointed neck, swivel/hinge shoulders, elbows, and wrists, balljointed hips, swivel/hinge knees, and balljointed ankles. She does not have a mouth joint, because that would ruin her big kissy lips, and she doesn't have a chest joint, even hidden beneath her black-and-white leopard print top. Also no toe joints, becase they're crammed into the shoes, remember? Those missing joints aren't a terrible loss or anything, and you can still pose her mostly however you like (the skirt does block the hips a bit).

Greta's accessories include alternate hands, with the fingers bent more for gripping, and a pink feather boa, though she only wore that when she was dressed for the big musical number: a fancy red dress, not weird animal prints, and a flower in her hair. Guess they were just trying to find anything they could give her. At that rate, might as well include a veil for her wedding! She does include the flask of pink gender-reassignment serum - it may say "Female Sex Hormones (Fx + C² X 3² x 7)", but it's got both male and female signs on it, so presumably it isn't just a one-way switch. If only it were that easy! All your trans friends could be themselves without dumbasses judging them for how they look or trying to legislate away their right to exist in public, Florida. You know what would have been nice, though? A comb, like the '80s She-Ra or My Little Pony figures came with, to help get her hair under control after you take her out of the packaging.

If NECA wants, they could easily reuse this mold to do a second Greta wearing her wedding dress. She could take a cue from Tiffany! The red dress might be too complex (and require too much new work), but who's to say she wasn't wearing this outfit under the white gown? Even if they don't, though, they've finally delivered one of the most important remaining Gremlins from the movie, reducing our "need" list by one and really honoring the fans' wishes in the process.

Bring on Veggie!

-- 06/03/21

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