SM-33

Who was his boss before, Captain 1-10OK? SM-33, or just "Thirty-Three," is the decrepit first mate of the ship found buried on At Attin. He is loyal to the ship's captain, having served under others who have held that title. SM-33's battered body is incomplete, as is his patchy memory. Okay, why does Mister Smee get personalized text, when Captain Brutus didn't? That hardly seems fair. This was allegedly going to be one of those "fan channel" exclusives, but it's appeared at Target, so I guess that idea changed. We're glad to see them continuing to take a chance on these more expensive figures, even after the Jedi Wookiee went to clearance prices. Skeleton Crew was a kids' adventure story, and if there's one thing the best kids' adventure stories remember, it's that kids love to be scared. In a safe way. (As opposed to being "scared in a Safeway," which is what happens when you see how much your groceries cost this week.) So SM-33 is designed to look like a skeletal robot, with his head quite plainly meant to be a bare skull, and one empty eye socket. Also, because he's a pirate, he's got a peg leg. Presumably all droids could have one, SM-33 is just missing a foot. Otherwise the body looks a bit like a cross between C-3PO and a Super Battledroid: a large, round chest, thick limbs, and yet a hollow stomach that's really just a bundle of thin wires. Sometimes. The design is minorly asymmetrical, with different shapes of armor on both shins, and exposed copper on one forearm but not the other. The plates on his forearms can be removed and replaced with small circular shields. That's a feature the droid had in the show, being able to pop those open kind of like Kratos or the Feral Predator. The tabs that keep them in place aren't the sturdiest things ever, so the pieces can fall out if you just touch the arms the wrong way. In his normal mode, SM-33 is a little under 6¼" tall. But to make him more intimidating, his limbs and chest can extend, adding a good 1½" to his height. He's packaged in a sort of halfway state, with some parts (the forearms, the chest) extended and some (all the others) compact, and only through trial-and-error will you discover this ability; the packaging doesn't mention it, so unless you're the kind of fan who pulls strongly on all their toys (which would explain those who are still complaining in the 2020s that NECA toys break too often), you may think that's how he's supposed to look forever. But it's not! He can either be stumpy or K-2SO-sized! Taller than K-2SO, in fact. It really is quite the impressive difference from one mode to the next, it's just a shame it's mostly secret. His paint is great... as long as you look at it from one angle. As is the way they like to do things, the back is mostly unpainted, which is most obvious on the abdomen, where we get red and gray and blue wires on the front, but just solid black. Bummer. The body is silver, with brown rust brushed on top, and a spot of green patina on the left leg. It's just enough to keep him looking visually interesting, and you can always pretend his back was somehow protected from the elements for all those years, to explain why that's less painted. SM-33 has a swivel/hinge ankle (just the one, because just one foot), swivel/hinge knees, balljointed hips, balljoint chest, swivel/hinged, hinged elbows, swivel biceps, swivel/hinge shoulders, pectoral hinges, balljoint heck, and a swivel/hinge head. Since there's only one foot and one stump, it might be hard to balance him, so the figure includes a small clear disc base that plugs into the foot to help keep him standing. The hips pop off the joint too easily, if you're not careful. In addition to the arm-shields, SM-33 includes one more accessory that technically turns this into a two-pack: Snowball, the little mouse that took up residence inside the deactivated droid's head, peeking out the eyesocket sometimes. It's a miniscule piece, probably 2025's most easily-lost accessory, but head end is narrower than the butt end, so if you put it in the eye properly, you won't have to worry about it falling out: the top of the robot's head lifts off (there are more wires sculpted inside there, but obviously they're not painted at all), allowing you to feed the mouse in from the rear. Unfortunately, the mouse is molded from dark grey, rather than the light color it should be; naming it "Snowball" wasn't a Simpsons joke, guys. It's sculpted as well as something this size can possibly be, with four legs and a tiny, pointed tail, but it needs some paint to correct its fur color and maybe pick out its four red eyes. Skeleton Crew was a fun show with fun characters, and it's annoying the toys are so hard to find. But SM-33, at least, is available in real stores to buy easily, and we consider that a win. Just make sure not to drop his mouse, lest you never see it again. -- 08/09/25 What's the most frustrating accessory you've ever owned? Tell us on our message board, the Loafing Lounge.