Points of Articulation
Mattel Press Release: Sell Out Success for Strobo
Thursday March 14th, 10pm
Collectors today were thrilled to find out the heavily-fan-requested figure STROBO®™© was available for much longer than anyone had predicted, allowing all MOTUC®™© collectors to purchase the exclusive they wanted and continuing to deliver on the much acclaimed "MattyCollector Promise" that all toy fans should have access to the toys they want. Scott "TOYGURU®™©" Neitlich appeared at this evening's official Mattel's YouTube channel to tell everyone about the company's new success, complete with that stupid smirk that has made him a fan favorite.
"STROBO®™© was a much demanded figure that we spent our top dollar on to make an entirely new sculpt, as we're prone to do, sold at a very reasonable price instead of the absurd mark-up that has made most MASTERS®™© collectors angry and bitter about the hobby they love. It was our pleasure to be able to sell him via MATTYCOLLECTOR®™© for a lengthy period of time that allowed every subscriber to get one without needing to be online at exactly the right time, and without fear of scalpers buying out the stock before anyone else had a chance," he explained, smirking like a complete idiot. MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE®™© fans cheered behind him, each clutching their beloved toys that had arrived with a record fast delivery time from the amazing DIGITAL RIVER®™©, whose competitive cheap shipping prices now cater to fans worldwide.
"Initially, we had thought of limiting STROBO®™© to one-per-subscription, seeing as though the pre-sale was supposed to be a bonus for subscribers," Scott explained, with his STUPID smirk never leaving his DUMB face, "but since we had such a large amount of stock available, we were able to ensure that everyone was able to get the toys they wanted!"
Mattel had one more surprise left in store, the reveal that the much-awaited CASTLE GREYSKULL®™© playset was now being retooled at the originally suggested size instead of the smaller, disappointing prototype that had been recently seen at Toy Fair, and with a $50 discount on the original price. "We just felt that original price was absurd, especially on a property for which we don't pay any licencing fees, and we felt we should give something back to the collecting community for sticking it out with us. Now, you'll have to excuse me, I have an important engagement to attend to," Scott concluded, still smirking like a FREAKING TOOL®™©, taking a young choirboy by the hand and leading him backstage out of sight.