Stop emailing us!
Okay, no, don't - we like getting email from you. Write us to your heart's content. Talk to us about toys, reviews, the weather, whatever. But just in case, here are a sampling of the questions and comments we get most often.
- 1. I would like to purchase [insert toy name here]. How much is it?
- We're throwing this question at the top to alleviate Poe's constant headaches. The toy will cost whatever it costs when you find somewhere that sells it. We do not have a shopping cart or a price list posted because we are not a store. We simply review toys, so you can decide whether or not you'd like to buy them. If you really want to buy one of the toys from us, email the reviewer. We will charge you three times its actual value, so that we have enough money left over to go replace the one we just sold you. Yes, that means that it will be cheaper for you to pay eBay prices yourself, but far be it from us to pass up a moneymaking opportunity.
- 2. Hey! Just who the ‡µ¢! do you think you are?
- The OAFEs: Artemis, Monkey Boy, Rustin Parr, Shocka, yo go re and, every so often, Poe Ghostal. We make holes in teeth.
- 3. No, what makes you think you're so great?
- Practice. No more questions from you.
- 4. What's "OAFE" mean?
- Online Action Figure Entertainment.
- 5. Entertainment?
- Yes. We do more than just reviews here, but we're not primarily in the news business. Toys were made to be fun, so we believe in having fun with your toys.
- 6. Your reviews go way off topic.
- That's not a question.
- 6. Why do your reviews go way off-topic?
- Because that's the way we write 'em. Most info about an action figure you can get by looking at it: size, accessories, articulation, what color it is, et cetera; we think you're smart enough that you don't need that stuff explained to you. If you do, there are plenty of other "review" sites that don't do anything but list statistics like that. Sure, we include all that info, but we also explain the more... esoteric elements of the figure. Who the character is, how it relates to the toy industry in general, what its accessories represent, all that fun stuff. It's the "Entertainment" part of our name coming back in.
- 7. Why does it take you so long to review things?
- It doesn't. Well, yes, okay, it does. Sometimes. Other times we bring you the first review around. Mainly it's because we don't care if we're first. Sure, it's nice, but who was the first person to tell you that the Berlin Wall fell? Or that Grand Theft Auto was a kickass game? Being first only matters for about five minutes, and we'd rather take the time to make sure our reviews are complete and informative. Getting all that extra info together takes time. It's why we're your #1 source for toy reviews.
Consider OAFE the Daily Show of toy reviews: not quite the real thing, but we get the point across and are much more enjoyable. Plus we're full of ourselves and only work four days a week.
- 8. Hey, I found a mistake! Are you guys lazy, or just retarded?
- Little bit of both. We're just human. If we've got a typo, a missing word, a bad link or whatever, just email us and let us know. We'll fix it, and thank you for your help and your time.
- 9. "Retarded?" That's pretty insulting. Don't you think you should change it?
- Nope. This isn't a site for kids, and even if it was, trying to coddle them and protect them would just make matters worse. While we don't go out of our way to piss people off, we also don't tip-toe around to make everything PC. It's a fancy way of saying we're rude.
- 10. All your reviews are negative! Why do you even buy toys if you hate them so much?
- Most of our reviews are positive, because we don't buy toys that we won't like. The negativity comes in only as a comparison.
- 11. Geeze, all you guys do is pick on [insert company name here]. Do you think you could do better?
- The McFarlane Fans think we pick on McFarlane. The Mattel fans think we pick on Mattel. Art Asylum fans think we pick on Art Asylum. You can toss Hasbro, ToyBiz, Playing Mantis, and any other company you like in there, too. With no particular ties to one company or another, we're not as likely to turn a blind eye to their faults.
- 12. But you praise [insert different company name here] all the time! What's up with that?
- It seems, sometimes, that some fans latch on to one company as "the best" and ignore everything from everyone else. They think toys from other companies are crap. Thus, when we praise those same toys, it seems like we must be playing favorites, no? No. Maybe they really put out good toys. Yes, there are some things that we're going to like better than others, but that's true for any reviewer anywhere: we're just upfront about it.
- 13. Can I submit a review?
- Kind of, but not exactly. We welcome anyone to share their thoughts about any toys on our message board, The Loafing Lounge. If the thread is interesting enough, it might even end up sent to our mailing list. But since we don't have a cookie cutter, "fill in the blanks" review style, we also don't have guest reviews. There are plenty of other sites that let anyone review - polish your skills out there in the farm leagues, and someday you'll be ready to get called up to the majors.
- 14. Yeesh! Can I at least suggest something for you to review?
- Of course you can! We take requests all the time - we're entertainers, so we want you to be entertained. You can either email us or post your suggestions on the message board. You can do the same thing for Figuretoons and Points of Articulation, as well.
- 15. Would you like to exchange links?
- Hell no! Emphatically, enthusiastically no. We don't "trade" links. We link to sites we like, sites that might serve a purpose for our readers and ones we can endorse. A link exchange offer is nothing more than saying "I don't like your site well enough to link to it, or I already would have. But I will link to you, if you agree to link to me as well." So no, goodbye.
- 16. So how do I get my site linked?
- a) If you're a business, let us know your site exists. Send us some PR. But make sure you actually have some toys to put out, first, because there's no point in us advertising your vaporware.
b) If you're a fan site, be the best there is. In a world that already has RTM and Action-Figure.com, what service do you provide that isn't already available, better, elsewhere? And link to us: that may sound hypocritical since we refuse to do link exchanges, but an unrequested link is a compliment, while an exchange offer is an insult. We do read the traffic logs, so if a lot of visitors are coming from your site, we'll go check it out.
c) If you're a store, send us something. The stores we order from and can vouch for go on the Links page, but if you actually send us something, your link will go on the page with the actual review, increasing your chance of getting business. We don't charge you directly to advertise - sending us free toys is the only cost to you.
- 17. Can I link to you?
- This is, really, a dumb question, but we get it often. You don't need our "permission" to link to us. Links are the lifeblood of the internet. If we didn't want you to link to us, you wouldn't be able to, because we wouldn't be online. Often these emails are a weak, mousy way of saying "please look at my site" - which we ignore. So yes, link to us. Link early and link often.
- 18. Do you have any banners or buttons I can use for a link?
- Nope, but if you want one, email us and we'll make one for you.
- 19. Can I use a picture?
- Wow, someone actually asked instead of just doing it? Then yes, you probably can. Just email us and we'll work something out. If you use a picture without permission or notification, prepare to pay our posted re-publication fees.
- 20. Why did you delete/edit my message board post?
- Probably because you did something dumb. Here are a few options:
In that last case, we're really just trying to help you. But if something does get deleted, then for crying out loud, don't re-post it, stupid.
- You posted a spoiler without proper warning.
- You duplicated an existing, recent topic.
- You posted something that belonged in a different thread.
- You acted very insulting toward someone else.
- You said something that made you look like an idiot.
- 21. But other people are doing it! Why didn't you delete/edit them?
- Our message board is not a democracy, and it is in no way required to treat everyone the same. They've earned the right to act that way. Stick around and you probably will, too.
- 22. Where can I buy [insert toy name here]?
- At a little place called "stores." See question 1. All we can tell you when you email us is whether you're still likely to find the toy in question at retail. Other than that, try the stores on our links page. If they don't have it, eBay.
- 23. How do I advertise with you?
- Email us for info. If you want specific mentions from us on specific pages, send us something to review.
- 24. If I send you something, can I be sure it will be reviewed?
- Absolutely. OAFEnet will review anything sent to us, and will do so in a timely manner. Email us.
- 25. I'd like to interview one of the OAFEs for my publication. Is that possible?
- Sure. Email us and we'll get things set up.
- 26. Do you guys only write about toys?
- Nope. Shocka reviews videogames, yo reviews DVDs and Poe's into literature. Rustin's swamped with real work, so squeezing a review out of him regularly is enough of a challenge. Monkey Boy types with his feet, so he can only write when the nice young men in their clean white coats take his shoes away.
- 27. What does "getting Matteled" mean?
- Ask Rustin.
To add yourself to our mailing list, just enter your email below and click "Join."
Discuss this (and everything else) on our message board, the Loafing Lounge!