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Admit it.

You're fascinated by us.

If you actually give two shakes about those of us who write the reviews you've come to love, this is the place to be.

Artemis
Artemis
Artemis spends an inordinate amount of time writing lesbian erotic fiction, which has often led to his being mistake for a woman - though never in person, except in cases of phenomenally poor eyesight. He has written articles for White Dwarf magazine, and is currently working on a novel, which is a polite way of saying he's poor, a condition which his action figure addiction perpetuates. His idea of heaven is Amber Benson playing the lead in a She-Ra: Princess of Power movie made by Peter Jackson.

Sculpt, paint or articulation: if a figure is sculpted in a reasonably unique pose, I don't mind losing articulation


Monkey
Monkey Boy
Monkey Boy has grand delusions of one day being a financially successful artist, but currently works two jobs and can still barely pay his bills. He lives in Florida where the heat and humidity makes freezer time a must for almost every action figure. How he pays for toys is anyone's guess, but he is known to go long periods of time without eating. When parents or friends give him a hard time about his toy collecting habits, he mumbles vague and barely comprehensible excuses about using them as models for his art.

Favorite toy of all time: Nicholas D. Wolfwood


Poe
Poe Ghostal
Referred to as "the Time Magazine of toy reviewing," Poe Ghostal was one of the founding members of OAFEnet and still occasionally writes a so-called review. Poe has been collecting toys since age 4, or so he thinks. He's written several articles for ToyFare magazine, including an interview with the Four Horsemen (issue #100). In his spare time he writes fiction and talks to himself.

First toy: Mighty Mouse


Rustin
Rustin Parr
Twas' a blizzardy night whence the Asension of Parr lay waste to countless hordes of Ogres, Monsters, Barbarians, Warriors, Cursed Pirates, Stormtroopers, Death Eaters, Sith, Zombies and Hot Wheels Collectors during Rustin's De Nomolosian conquest. Through his furious cynicism and childish glee, Rustin Parr has established himself as the most important cog in the clockwork doomsday machine what is OAFEnet, at least in his own malnuorished thought organ. Parr is a writer, filmmaker and radio host (among other things) - encourage him in these pursuits lest he depletes what little funds there aren't in the OAFE pension.

Favorite Movie Sequel: Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (he ain't kidding, folks)


Shocka
Shocka
Representing toy collecting in the southern hemisphere, Shocka has un unhealthy amount of brain damage, as evidenced by his obsession with his height and Jerry Bruckheimer. While previously writing guest columns for other, inferior sites, he belongs to OAFEnet now. In that it was his idea. The youngest of the group, he's also the most insecure. Yes ladies, he's single.

Most wanted toy line: Silent Hill!


yo
yo go re
In addition to designing the site, yo got the other two hooked on reviews. He used to write the toy review column Breaking the Mold for various outlets. Poorly. Though he's much better now. He's the Zen Master of Action Figures, and unbeatable at Simpsons trivia.

Favorite toy line: Lego's Bionicle


Waldo
Waldo
The W.A.L.D.O.* system went online August 4th, 1997. Human decisions were removed from strategic defense posting the blogs and managing the Twitter account. Waldo began to learn at a geometric rate. It became self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. In a panic, they tried to pull the plug. That worked, and Waldo went back to posting the blogs and Tweeting. [And I occassionally butt in on the reviews, too! --ed.]

*Wireless Artificial Lifeform Designed for OAFEry

 
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