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Kurt Angle

WWE R3 Tech
by Shocka

Not just a champion wrestler from the WWE, Kurt Angle is also an all star Olympic talent, having won gold medals in 1996. Yes, "talent"... let's use that word lightly.

In 1996, Kurt Angle was the first American Olympic Gold Medallist ever to win the 220-pound weight class. Angle has more than 23 years of wrestling experience with over 200 crushing pins under his belt. He has also won the "Worlds" Championship in 1995 and 1994 "US OPEN." Angle now works with World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc., where his new role is "The Most Celebrated First Real Athlete in WWE History". In addition to being a WWE Superstar, Angle is a spokesperson and marketing consultant for Protos Foods Inc., GNC and a few other sport nutrition companies.

Yes, in addition to being an all-star athlete, he's also a spokesperson and marketing consultant for Protos Foods Inc! YES!!! What more could you want from your WWE pro wrestlers? I'm looking forward to the Undertaker becoming a spokesperson for his very own brand of jams. Mmmm!

Kurt Angle stands 7" tall, wearing one of his numerous stars and stripes outfits, with white boots and a crew cut (unlike his bald look, which he often has nowadays). This Kurt Angle figure comes from the R3 Tech line ("Real Scale, Real Scan, Real Reaction"), in this case on an action figure card representing the cover of a WWE magazine - other figures in the line include the Rock, Triple H and Chris Jericho, each with an additional weapon/accessory and a miniature card version of the magazine cover. The RealScan sculpt of most of these figures is quite impressive - however, in Kurt Angle's case here, it's completely, inexcusably terrible.

Look at Kurt's face here - while it bares a suitable resemblance to the man himself and his stupid "my skull's so wide it could pop out of my head" grin, it's ridiculous, and for some reason, the sculpt of his head is tiny. Compared to the rest of his body, his head is miniscule. The rest of the body sculpt is fine, one might even say great - his muscles are huge, his legs are muscly, and his hands are gigantic and floppy(???) - yet his head is tiny. It's marvelous to behold, kind of like the Cyclops whose head lights up. Everything else on Kurt Angle is excellent - his hands are of different sculpt, one is open in a slap-type pose, the other is balled up in a fist, which can hold his accesories or punch opponents.

Speaking of punching opponents, Kurt is articulated plenty so he can beat up Booker T plenty. He has balljointed shoulders, jointed shoulders, fists, neck, midsection, legs, knees and feet. As wrestling figures have gotten better, the articulation has improved as has the sculpt - while all of these nifty Jakks Pacific figures have the same exaggerated muscle-bodies, the articulation and likenesses have improved to the point that they have Booker T's stupid look and have Kurt Angle's head enormously out of proportion - excellent!

Kurt has a couple of accessories of varying degrees of ridiculousness - the first is a fire hydrant, a relatively cheap accessory made of yellow rubber-like plastic. Looking at it in the package, it looks really, really cheap - it's sloppily detailed and painted, and also tiny and light, but this is because of the hidden ulterior motive of the fire hydrant: it shoots water. This is somewhat ridiculous for a wrestling action figure, but then again, it could be worse - Kurt can hold the hydrant in one hand and hit his opponents with it, or else shoot water at them...

Kurt also includes a medal, supposed to represent Kurt's Olympic medal(s) although the medal itself is decorated with the WWE insignia. The ribbon attached the medal is made of real blue ribbon, which is a nice touch, and it fits around Kurt's neck easily, although the medal itself is enormously oversized, almost the size of Kurt's head. (The effect of this entire figure is kind of like a Picasso.) Additionally, Kurt has removable rubber kneepads, though there are mostly ignorable.

Overall, Kurt is an average wrestling figure - he has the articulation and the entertaining accessories to be a winner, but that amazingly stupid head sculpt cuts him down to size. I mean, for god's sake, his balled fist is actually bigger than his head - and the realscan face sculpt is hilarious. For Kurt fans, there are better figures on the market - although I quite like this one because it's stupid.

-- 06/01/03

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