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Beef Boss

Fortnite
by yo go re

Apparently our Tomatohead review was especially good? So now I have to try to live up to the standard with Beef Boss.

Victory well done.

Competition is a good thing. Without Wendy's, people might think McDonald's is good; without McDonald's, people might think Wendy's is ethical. Walmart has Target, Walgreens has CVS, FedEx has UPS, Playstation has Xbox, Marvel has DC, DC movies have DC TV shows... every success has somebody trying to ride their wave, and every up-and-comer has an inspiration they've got their eyes set on. If nothing else, it gives consumers a choice. On the sprawling grounds of the unnamed Fortnite island ["Fortlandia" --ed.], residents who don't want to eat at Uncle Pete's Pizza Pit have the option of going across the street (sometimes literally, depending on the location) to grab a bite at Durr Burger. The two restaurants are the bitterest of rivals, and now their mascots can duke it out.

Durr Burger's chief is the Beef Boss. While the name "Tomatohead" is pretty self-explanatory, just hearing "Beef Boss" is... less so. His head is a big, comical cheeseburger, with googly eyes on top and, for some reason, a giant pink tongue lolling out the front. The pupils should be painted pointing out to the side more, not straight ahead, but he's still cute. Like his counterpart, his head is based on the big 3D sign found atop his restaurant. Or food truck, later. Island life is rough.

His body is the usual style we've come to expect from Fortnite: thick boots, armor on the shins, all that. Most of his molds are new, too. Beef Boss' costume is somewhat clownish, with a shirt that's tan on one side and sort of a slate blue on the other. A clown selling fast food? It'll never catch on! He's got a flat bow tie and a line of buttons on a red strip all the way down the front of his shirt and continuing onto his pants. We can be sure the torso is new, thanks to all that, but it's clear the legs are as well, because the tan sections of his outfit are sculpted with sesame seeds, like a hamburger bun. It's possible the arms and those big red shoes are existing molds, but they didn't cut corners where it counts.

The Fortnite Legendary Series has good articulation. Beef Boss has a balljointed head. hinged neck, pectoral hinges, swivel/hinge shoulders, swivel biceps, double-hinged elbows, swivel/hinge wrists, hinged fingers, a balljointed chest, swivel waist, swivel/hinge hips, swivel thighs, double-hinged knees, swivel shins, swivel/hinge ankles, and hinged toes. The straps around his shoulders don't cut as far into the torso as Tomatohead's do, so he doesn't get a great range of motion from those pecs, but hey, every little bit counts, right? Still, it would have been nice if they'd found a way to make his tongue wiggle about. Gross, but nice.

Most of the Jazwares Fortnite figures have alternate faces. Beef Boss does not. He doesn't even get an alternate head, like Tomatohead did. Rather, he joins Dr. Ghoti in having only a single expression/​appearance. How sad! If you miss that feature, blame it on the game: other than possibly a version Drift had graffito-tagged, like he did to the Durr Burger sign that teleported to the real world, there's nothing that would count as an alternate look for Beef Boss.

A few of his accessories come from the game's Durr Burger set, same as this skin: there's the perfectly greasy "Deep Fried" Back Bling, styled like a box of classic Durr Fries; and the "Patty Whacker" Harvesting tool, a neat little knickknack that looks like an oversized spatula. Themeatic! He also has a Cake Slice, a consumable item that gives 5 Health and 5 Shield, and is only in the game around teh end of July (Fortnite's birthday). There's a bundle of dynamite, a pair of handguns (the single "Dual Pistols" weapon from the Spy Games mode), and a Tactical Shotgun that, judging by the fact it's a giant red monstrosity, is either in Common, Uncommon, or Rare... rarity. That was an awkward sentence.

Beef Boss may not be quite as cool as a single figure as Tomatohead was, but being able to have the two of them squaring off in a little food fight on your shelf is just too cool an opportunity to pass up. Now Jazwares, do Sizzle and Crustina, the distaff counterparts. Super-size this battle!

-- 10/02/20


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