Law & Order

DUN-DUN! Hasbro's marketing copy doesn't include any sort of biographical information for this figure. Maybe they're still a little gun-shy from 1990, when they tried writing their own filecard for the "Sonic Fighters" release, and only sent it to Larry Hama for editing; he kept the marketing copy and rewrote everything about the guy himself: Hasbro's version said "Law's been pounding a beat as head of security of GI Joe for a mighty long time. He's stubborn, mule-headed and won't give up a fight, no matter how outnumbered or outgunned he might be," which is fine, but not exactly memorable; Larry changed it to "As head of security for GI Joe, Law has acquired a reputation as a relentless stickler for detail and a cool-headed fighter when the chips are down. He's a slow-talking, mule-headed, obstreperous hoot owl with an attitude, but he gets the job done." Man, "obstreperous hoot-owl" really drives home why you want to use real writers for these things and not just whoever's back from lunch early! What a phrase! The reworded version is punchier, with more dynamic phrasing. No wonder today's Hasbro was too chicken to try capturing that glory on their own! In the 1980s, Law's face was sculpted to resemble then-current Hasbro VP Kirk Bozigian. This new Classified version is less so, but seeing as how he's degenerated into a weird racist in his old age, that's probably for the best - don't want to imagine Law siccing Order on kids trying to integrate schools or lunch counters or something. Does this new head look like an obstreperous hoot-owl? Sure, you could call that slight squint he's got "stubborn," why not? Law's classic outfit has been updated here. He's wearing a red T-shirt under a nice blue cargo vest, and tucks his graan pants into his black boots. The pants have kneepads attached, while the holster and pouch strapped around his thighs are separate pieces that simply slide onto the toy and are held in place by friction. His belt has lots of pockets and places to hold his gear, and there's a radio in a pocket on the vest that also has a wire running up to the handset plugged in near the collar - that's PVC, meaning you can unplug the handset and have him actually hold it. Cool design work! On the left side of the vest you'll find a working holster and his detailed badge. Of course, he wears a white helmet with big =MP= emblazoned on it in black, though that's a removable piece and so technically would count as an accessory. And speaking of things that might count as an accessory, he also wears a black armband to further identify him as Military Police. The underlying body is the same Outback used, so the only ways to have that armband would either to have it be a separate piece, or just retool one bicep and nothing else. This way is much less wasteful. Law's actual accessories include a pair of handcuffs, an Uzi that can fit in the holster on his left leg, and then a nightstick, pistol, and knife. The pistol holsters on his chest, and the stick fits in a look on his belt, but there's no place to keep the knife when he's not holding it. Since all three of those were also included with Mutt, we're going to go out on a limb and guess that they're gang molded, so it was either "give fans the knife" or "mold the knife and then throw it away." Also like Mutt, he has several extra pairs of hands, to allow him to give his dog non-verbal commands. You didn't think Hasbro would release a Law without an Order, did you? Well, it turns out they would: both the 1990 Sonic Fighters and 1993 Battle Corps figures were sold without his dog, entirely defeating the point of the shared "Law & Order" name until the year 2000. Incidentally, do you think (in-universe) Law gets his codename because his real name is Christopher Lavine? You know, "Christopher LAW-vigne"? But we're getting off-topic; we're supposed to be talking about the dog now! Order is a German Shepherd. Probably. It's possible he could be a Belgian Malinois, they look and function pretty much the same (just ask Brutus and Dexter). According to Law, Order is friends with Junkyard (even liking to talk to Junk on the phone when he's not around) and will watch 101 Dalmations. Hey, that may sound silly, but it's not outside hte realm of possibility: I used to have a dog whose favorite movie was Eight Below; any time it came on TV, he would sit and watch it raptly. So if Law says Order likes 101 Dalmatians, who am I to disagree? On the cartoon, Order was the same grey as Timber, but the comics and every toy (including this one) have made him tan and black. This Order gets a feature first seen in Renegades, protective bodyarmor. It's a separate piece, rather than being sculpted onto the toy, and you can even remove it... if you're willing to pop the rear legs and the neck off their balljoints to do so. It's not hard, but it's also not easy. The armor is olive drab, matching Law's pants, and has a hand grip right on the shoulders. There are a few holes in it, where it seems something could be plugged in, but there's nothing to fit there. Yet. It's also kind of weird that both the harness and the collar have handles, when they're so close together. Who else is Hasbro planning to use this vest for? It makes more sense when he's only wearing on or the other. Order does have an accessory of his own, though: a pair of doggles (dog goggles) that slips down over his ears to protect his eyes. It's like he's wearing a little helmet! Both Law and Order have the usual articulation GI Joe Classified gives their respective species. Only Order gets an alternate head, though: in the tray he has one that's panting calmly, but you can trade that for a snarling version. The mask can fit on either head, though since the ears are held less vertically on the angry head, it's hard to get it on. That's probably why the art on the box specifically shows the snarling face with the goggles on - Hasbro endorsing that it can be done. The box features Law's stats (which are Security 3, Light Weapons 2, Intelligence 2, Animal Handling 3) and an action shot referencing GI Joe the Movie: it shows Order alerting to a bundle of dynamite, while Beachhead watches from a jungle shack in the background; like Tunnel Rat's bell, that's a reference to his training session as a Rawhide. That's cool, but we'd have liked it better if they chose to reference the comics instead, where he, Falcon, and Fast Draw were tricked into believing they were members of the Joe team by a group of Pentagon officials who secretly wanted to attack Cobra Island; you know, pose him near a jeep with an airport's pick-up lane as the backdrop. But hey, why would a toy company ever want to reference a comicbook drawn by Todd McFarlane, right? I was surprised to find this set at Walmart, given their usually abysmal selection of GI Joe toys, but I'm really glad it was there. Both the human and the dog are great updates; only an obstreperous hoot-owl would try to deny that! -- 11/07/25 What's your pet's favorite movie? Tell us on our message board, the Loafing Lounge.