Chester Cheetah

It's not easy... being cheesy. WHO IS CHESTER CHEETAH®? The official spokes cheetah of Cheetos®. Funnily enough, he’s also the only spokes cheetah of anything. I love finding random, unexpected toys when I'm out shopping. Like, who had any idea someone was making a Chester Cheetah action figure? No one, that's who, and yet there he was on the shelf. There's a reason we say that online releases don't count for anything: if you don't see this figure in a store, how are you ever going to know to look for it? Who's out there just putting random strings of words into Amazon's search bar and seeing what comes back? Who's got a Google Alert set up for "Chef Boyardee Build-A-Figure"? Chester is not the original Cheetos mascot (not even getting into the fact that, when he first appeared, the brand was still parsed "Chee-tos"): he was preceded by a mouse in a suit, who was designed by the same guy who did all the Rankin-Bass holidy specials. Chaz was introduced in the mid-80s, meaning he's approaching his 40th anniversary. And in all that time, he has yet to develop any kind of personality. Think about it: Lucky the Leprechaun is a miser, the Nestle Quik bunny is a meth head, every color of M&M in the world has a distinct character quirk... and then there's Chester Cheetah, who has about as much personality as Mr. Clean or the Jolly Green Giant. He doesn't want to give you Cheetos, he doesn't want to take your Cheetos, he doesn't want to prevent you from taking his Cheetos... he's just kind of "there." Although he's gone from 2D to 3D animation over the decades, his design has remained pretty consistent: long, bean-shaped body, a snout that's wider than the entire remained of his head, white sneakers, and black sunglasses. It often looks like he's wearing gloves, too, but that's just because his palms are white. He looks like an exaggerrated version of the Pink Panther. The body is mostly smooth, with tufts of fur on his elbows, and his tail goes from thin near the body to thick out at the end. The fur on his cheeks and the back of his head are spiky, and the three whiskers on each side of his face are stiff, rooted bristles. That can get bent just by being in the tray. Uh-oh! Chester's articulation is way better than you'd expect it to be. He has swivel/​hinge ankles, swivel shoes, swivel/hinge knees, swivel thighs, balljointed hips, swivel/hinge tail, balljoint waist, swivel/hinge wrists, swivel/hinge elbows, swivel/​hinge shoulders, a balljointed neck, and a barbell head. His limbs are so thin and noodly that the elbows and knee joints have to be fairly small, and thus may be in danger of breaking if you're not careful. All the joints on mine seem fine so far, but I still wouldn't be too rough with him. The giant shoes provide a great, stable base for a lot of really wild poses, though, even with his weighty noggin resting up on top of such a narrow body. The figure includes two heads, and they're barely different: one has the mouth closed, the other has the mouth open just slightly to give us a glimpse of his front teeth. Hmm, okay. The key art all over the package shows Chester with his mouth hanging wide open, so why didn't we get that instead of this matched set? The sunglasses are permanently attached to the head, and there are no eyes behind them. We have seen his eyes before, in some of the earliest commercials, but these days that doesn't happen anymore. Right out of the package, the toy has a right hand that's pointing slightly, and a left hand that has the middle finger curled down, I guess because... he's a generous, considerate lover? The fingers on the right hand are painted with orange Cheeto dust, a feature that remains true on the alternate hands, which are shaped to hold his accessories. He includes an in-scale bag of Cheetos, printed front and back with every accurate detail, and then the weirdest accessory of the year: a 1:1 replia of a Cheeto. Like, this thing is shaped exactly like a Cheeto, it's painted to look exactly like a Cheeto... the replica is so good, there's an instant where the part of your brain that reacts to the uncanny valley, the part that immediately gives you rejection and revulsion upon enncountering something fundamentally wrong, activates when you pick the piece up. Its weight and physicality is the only thing that marks it as a fake Cheeto, so for the love of god never play with this toy while you're eating the real thing or there's going to be trouble. The box is nice, but mostly unremarkable: it's orange and red, like Cheetos packaging, with a front panel that opens so you can see the figure resting in front of a black backdrop inside. All perfectly fine, but not anything you'd rave to people about. However, on one side is a chart showing information about the figure, done in the style of nutritional labels on food! Serving size, servings per container, etc. It's a terrifically fun tie-in to the theme and whoever came up with it deserves praise. There have been Chester Cheetah plushes before (because a stuffed animal of a cartoon character isn't anything too surprising), but certainly never an action figure. This is made by Jada Toys, the same folks who did the new Street Fighter line, and shows both that they're commited to a certain level of quality, and aren't afraid to go after some utterly unexpected licenses. You wouldn't expect an action figure based on a snack food to be this good, but you'll be surprised by the final thing. If the standard version isn't enough for you, there's also a "Flamin' Hot" variant available exclusively at Entertainment Earth (even though everyone knows the Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos are the best flavour), and it's cast from glow-in-the-dark plastic. Dangerously cheesy! -- 08/14/24

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