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The Princess Bride
by yo go re

Remember when McFarlane Toys sold one of its Build-A-Figures as a standalone product, despite its giant size? Apparently that was a good idea, because they haven't shied away from doing bigger figures in bigger packaging, even without being a BAF first.

NECA may have never gotten to make their Inigo Montoya figure, but they did at least have plans for him at once point; as far as anyone outside the company knows, they never even attempted to make the giant, Fezzik. But here's McToys, putting the big guy right into the first series.

The figure is fittingly huge. It stands 9¼" tall, which lines up well with his real-world height (which was probably never the 7'4" he was billed as) in this line's 7" scale. When author William Goldman was first trying to get the film made in the '70s, Arnold Schwarzenegger was up for the role because Andre the Giant (upon whom the Goldman based the character) was unavailable; by the time the movie was made, Arnold had become a star, and so was too expensive to hire. The other drawback to the long passage of time was that Andre was suffering severe back problems by this time, so he couldn't actually do much of anything. Lifting Buttercup? She was on wires. Fighting Westley? There were hidden ramps so he could reach Fezzik's neck. Andre apparently had a blast making the movie, because everyone treated him as an equal rather than an oddity, but it's sad his acromegaly had taken such a toll on him by then.

It's a good thing we all know who played Fezzik in the film, because this figure doesn't really look like him. All the likenesses in this line have been fairly mediocre (especially by McFarlane Toys standards), but Fezzik's is the worst. There's a photo of Andre on the back of the box, and just quickly comparing the two reveals his cheeks are too small, his chin is too long, and his hair is the wrong shape. Plus, they've painted dark circles around his eyes and the most amateurish attempt at "stubble" we've ever seen. It's an utter mess. And it doesn't even correspond to the film! He didn't have dark eyes, he didn't have stubble; why does the toy? Even the prototype shots showed this mistake, which means McToys had plenty of time to fix it, instead of leaving us with this.

Things are better below the neck. Fezzik is wearing his course shirt, leather belt, baggy pants, and folded boots. The shirt has been given a texture that's much harsher than the real garment's was, but it better sells the idea of the rough fabric peasants would have had access to. The sculpted wrinkles and bunches around the belt look realistic, and all the stripes on his pants are sculpted on, not just painted. In the book, it's revealed that Fezzik is from Turkey; the movie never specifies, but the style of these pants definitely feels more Anatolian than Greenlandic (where Vizzini found and hired him).

Due to the size of the figure, Fezzik does not have quite as much articulation as most current McFarlane toys do, but it's still a decent amount. He moves at the head, shoulders, elbows, wrists, waist, hips, thighs (to a degree), knees, boots, ankles, and toes, and most of those are combo swivel/hinges. The hinges are all very stiff, which is good for stability but means posing him will hurt your fingers. The way McToys does thigh swivels isn't great - they're so close to the hip that they barely move at all. And the figure's knees seem too low on the leg (which is partially hideen by the bagg pantaloons).

The figure comes with two accessories, one normal and one a joke. The regular one is a mid-sized rock, the one he threatened to throw at (through) the Man in Black's head. The joke one is a peanut. A single peanut. A single peanut that, in this toy's scale, would be like four inches long. The biggest peanut in the world. Yes, "anybody want a peanut" is probably the fourth most iconic line in the movie (#1: "My name is Inigo Montoya--" etc.; #2 "Inconceivable!"; #3: "As you wish."), but it was just something he said, there was no actual peanut. Why did they waste money on this instead of something he actually used, such as the Holocaust Cloak? Well, because they were planning to do a second release with that no-brainer accessory, that's why. We're annoyed, but recognize the importance of mold re-use in today's market and the fact that the cloak would just be a piece of black cloth you could pretty easily make yourself - it's not like McToys is going to create one you could actually set on fire, or include a wheelbarrow for him to ride. It's going to be the same as this toy, but with a flirty little cape.

The rock is fine, but if you want a Fezzik, you'll be better off waiting for the Series 2 version. You can pick up a larger piece of gravel from outside if you really need him to have a rock, but the clock is a better accessory. The head isn't going to be remolded to be the correct shape on that upcoming figure, sadly, but maybe they won't paint it wrong this time? Here's hoping.

-- 03/02/22

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