You couldn't expect Zartan to ride Punisher's bike forever, could you?
Remember when Generation 3 Zartan was released with an itsy-bitsy Swamp Skier that was better-sized for the Combat Heroes than for the real figure? Classified didn't yet have its "deluxe" pricepoint when its Zartan was released, or else he might have come with a bigger one to ride. But hey, third-party to the rescue!
This Chameleon Swamp Skier was produced by Nonnef Productions, makers of add-on kits for regular Transformers releases, rather than trying to do full knock-off characters - they're the ones who make the kit to turn Party Wallop into an upgraded Metalhead, for instance. This is the most involved GI Joe offering they have, however.
They used to have an option to purchase this kit assembled, but not at the moment (more on that later). It's shipped in a simple cardboard box, with the pieces sealed in an envelope inside. Tear that open, and you'll find nine sprues of pieces and three loose bits -
that's right, we're going "model kit" with this one! There are no instructions included, but thankfully they've made a video explaining what you need to do. I'm not exactly brimming with model-making experience, so it took me a few hours to get from emptying the bag to the final product. The hardest part was getting the handlebars together, because the pieces are very small and very tight. (Also, confession: I'm not sure I did the peg that holds the back end of the shell in place correctly, because the gas cap seems to sit above the body more than it should.)
If you've ever seen the vintage Chameleon, you know if has moveable pieces that can change how big it is, so measuring it will be imprecise. The chassis will be about 6¾" long, though the skis will obviously stick out farther in the front and back, and the handlebars will end up in the area of 3" tall, unless you have them pointing straight up. Which you could technically do. The point is, it's a great size for Zartan to ride.
The materials used in the construction are mostly good. Mostly. Nonnef actually cuts its own steel tools and molds things from real ABS plastic, not just resin or something. And that meas the majority of the vehicle is nice, sturdy stuff that feels good in your hands.
Unfortunately, I'm not a fan of the upper shell; the light green part is simply a vacuum-formed mold rather than an injection mold: so it's thin, stiff, and flimsy, like a more brittle version of the tray most action figures are held in inside their packaging. There's a second piece that fits inside it to give it a little more structure and rigidity, but I'm still afraid my stupid ape-fingers are going to damage it like Lenny petting the rabbits. I have no doubt there's some reason it was done like this instead of a traditional mold like every other piece, but I don't claim to know enough about professional production to confidently tell you what that reason is.
The Chameleon is an odd vehicle. It has a long, narrow body on a tube frame, almost like a motorcycle, but it has a jet turbine under the seat instead of a normal motor. Per the "swamp skier" name, it has no wheels, but rather skis: a "rigid high-strength" pair in the front,
and a "high-flex laminated" pair in the back (according to the old toy's blueprints). That paperwork also tells us the thing between the skis on the front fork is a high-capacity water nozzle, and the bits on the frame at the very back are wide-dispersion ink sprayers. I never knew that! Considering the vehicle has no sort of instrument panel to tell you, say, how fast you're going or how much fuel you have left, this really feels like something Zartan cobbled together himself - or maybe had Torch do it, if the changes to that character's profile are to be believed.
This new, upsized version is very playable. Like the original, the rear skis are on hinged struts ("nitrogen-filled rear shock absorbers"),
which allows you to pose them either high or low, depending on how far above the waterline you want him to ride, though this time you can turn them to point different directions, which is new. The front skis can be turned by the handlebars, or turned on their own if you like. There are movable footpegs, and while the 1984 version had handlebars that could either point forward or back, depending on how you assembled them, the steering control here can pivot, can hinge to different angles, and the grips can be turned pretty much any direction you want for your display.
Sadly, those joints do pose a problem. After the literal pain of trying to get them assembled, any movement at all makes them want to push apart again. Maybe I'm missing something, maybe I didn't put them together right, but the fit is so tight that they want to force themselves apart
rather than staying together as they turn. That's not unique to these parts - it happens with all the joints - but they're so short and so thin, they reach the "pop apart" point in their construction way quicker than, say, the front skis' hinges. So basically, the play pattern becomes "turn it to where you want it, then push everything back together snugly." There are no pegs on the foot rests to hold the toy in place, so you'll just have to rely on friction for that.
The colors of the toy are a nice match to the classic look: light green up top, dark green for all the framework, black for the engine. There's also a white version available, if you want to pretend Cobra bought the design off Zartan to use as snow transport. Additionally, you can get a bundle that includes labels from Toyhax, to really re-create the old look. Downside to that is that Toyhax seems to have
simply scaled up their reproduction labels for the vintage Chameleon? So you're paying for some stickers that don't have anywhere to go, and there's a notation identifying non-reflective armor patches for Zartan, but there's literally nothing there on the sticker sheet. Why would you take those stickers away, but leave the note explaining them? I don't get that. Also, consider how comical it is that this homemade vehicle built in a swamp by rowdy bikers doesn't have any kind of instrument panel, but does have safety labels and identifying marks. What are the Dreadnoks' priorities?!
I'd been eyeing this kit for a while. I love me some Zartan, and I love me some Chameleon Swamp Skier, but if Hasbro wasn't going to give us an official one, I'd just have to give my money to someone who would. However, I was holding out hope that Nonnef would do a bundle that also included the towing container Zartan used to use to haul the pieces around while undercover. (In fact, that's what the extra stickers
on the Toyhax sheet are for.) But Nonnef is located in South Carolina. When Hurricane Helene tore through there, they lost their shop, their manufacturing equipment, and part of their home; they managed to get their web store back up and functioning just a week after, before the debris had even been cleared so the power company could come in to start repairing things. Thus, ordering something from them right now seemed like the least we could do. This review may seem to have a lot of complaints, but I really love my new upsized Chameleon, and even if my fingers still hurt 24 hours after putting it together, I don't regret getting it for a second. If When Nonnef makes the towing sledge, I'm there! Until then I'm just putting the extra sticker sheet in the back of Classified Zartan's packaging, so I know where to find it when I need it again. Go visit Nonnef's site and see if there's anything you'd like to order to send some much-needed funds their way.
-- 11/08/24
What other GI Joe kits should Nonnef make? Tell us on our message board, the Loafing Lounge.
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