Sigh. Another day, another review. I'm not a machine, you know.
I never wanted to do this job in the first place! I... I wanted to be...
A LUMBERJACK!
Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia! The smell of fresh cut timber! The giant redwood! The larch! The fir! The mighty Scots pine! With my best girlie by my side, we'd sing... sing... sing!
Oh, he's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day!
He chops down trees, he wears big boots
Plaid flannel and a beard.
His bulky chest seems normal,
But the hollow legs are weird.
Oh, he's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Real pockets on his shirt and jeans.
His hands are oddly flat.
There's blue bead eyes, a unibrow,
But more to him than that.
Oh, he's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
A velcro seam that's on his back
Opens to reveal
A second furry figure.
For one price? What a deal!
Oh, he's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
For even a man who's pure at heart,
And says his prayers by night
Can become a wolf when the wolfsbane blooms
And the Autumn moon is bright.
Oh, he's a lycanthrope, and he's okay,
He prowls all night and he sleeps all day!
The wolf comes out, the man goes in
It's a really sharp design.
Switching can be tricky,
But with practice you'll do fine.
Oh, he's a lycanthrope, and he's okay,
He prowls all night and he sleeps all day!
The head goes first, the arms go last,
The boots go in between.
Wolfy's covered with fur
Plus tattered scraps of jeans.
Oh, he's a lycanthrope, and he's okay,
He prowls all night and he sleeps all day!
The wolf is grey, with yellow eyes
White claws and angled calves,
A round black nose-- why, grandma!
What big teeth you have!
Oh, he's a lycanthrope, and he's okay,
He prowls all night and he sleeps all day!
The figure's big - a foot plus three -
And is quite nicely sewn,
But since the legs are hollow
He won't stand on his own.
Oh, he's a lycanthrope, and he's okay,
He prowls all night and he sleeps all day!
The toy is plush, it's very soft
The stitching seems okay
The velcro, though, feels shoddy
And might just rip away.
Oh, he's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Toy Vault did production.
Ron Spencer, the design.
You may find it in some spec'lty shops
But more likely online.
Oh, he's a plushie toy, and that's okay,
We do more than action figures anyway!
An entire review done in song? How annoying is that? Tell us on our message board, the Loafing Lounge.
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