Grail Knight

Damn, can't believe someone made a figure of the guy from that old Pepsi commercial! This knight spent seven hundred years in a remote chamber in the deserts of Alexandretta, achieving immortality by drinking from the Grail, which he had sworn an oath to protect. Once discovered by Indiana Jones, the knight stands aside as Indy and his two rivals attempt to choose the true Grail from a table of deadly imitations. Say what you will about Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, at least when Hasbro used the occassion of that film's release to make toys based on the entire franchise, they paid copywriters to come up with text to put on the packages, instead of just leaving them blank in order to increase the speed at which the CEO's pockets get lined. And that works out in our favor right now: since there was no "retro" figure like there was for Henry, our only other recourse for opening this review would have been Topps' 2008 Indiana Jones Heritage card set. The bio is wrong about one thing, though: the Grail Knight was a part of the First Crusade, which took place from 1096-1099, so he spent more than 800 years in that cave, not 700. They could have saved it by adding the word "alone," since his two brothers came out of the desert after 150 years. He certainly dresses like a knight from the Bayeux Tapestry era: no plate armor, but instead chainmail everything covered by a padded gambeson jacket. He has a belt with embossed rosettes on it, and wears a hooded cloak with his distinct cross symbol on the left shoulder. Getting Sean Connery to be Indy's dad was obviously a bit of stunt casting, and the knight almost was as well: although he ended up being played by Robert Eddison, the role was initially going to be offered to Sir Laurence Olivier; but Olivier wasn't well enough to accept, and in fact died two months after the movie opened. In the first draft of the script, the knight introduced himself as "I am Lord de Beauvis, seigneur of St. Gobain and Folembray, Castellan de Cambri, Viscount of Savoy... known far and wide as William the Lion, Duke of Brittany" - but how does a Frenchman from the middle of the 11th century manage to speak modern English? Even in the film, the Grail Knight was specifically not an active character: according to the junior novelization of the film, every time his spirit faltered, he physically aged a year; however, the subsequent films make it clear that the Grail doesn't confer permanent immortality, it simply acts as something of a reset to factory standards at whatever point you already are. So if the knight was ~40 when he found the cup, and (physically) ~80 when he met Indiana Jones in 1938, that would mean he aged ~14,600 days in that time. Considering there are more than 306,000 days in that same span, if he skipped drinking from the Grail even once every three weeks, his age would still work out. His brittle old body has a balljointed head, swivel/hinge shoulders and elbows, balljoint wrists, a balljoint waist, balljoint hips that don't really serve much purpose under the lower edge of his tunic (even if they did skip out on the chainmail skirt that should be hanging under there), swivel thighs, swivel/hinge knees, and swivel/hinge ankles. In addition to his big, removable cape, which plugs into the toy's back for extra security, the Grail Knight is armed with his sword. It can be held in either hand, or both if you don't mind it not looking very dynamic, and can be stored in the scabbard that plugs into his belt. You'd think, since the knight was part of the Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword (why else would they wear his symbol?), his sword would be, you know, more cruciform than normal, but no, this is just a regular blade. Also, Hasbro skimped on painting the rosettes on his sword belt - they should be silver, just like the ones above them, but instead they're just sculpted elements. Like Henry, the Grail Knight comes with a whole bunch of pieces for the eventual Grail Table Build-An-Artifact: the same plate and flaming bowl, then four random cups. Or rather, three random cups and the actual grail. You didn't think he was going to let it out of his sight, did you? He does not, sadly, include a blue net trucker's hat that says "I'M EGGSCELLENT" on it. Imagine the end of Last Crusade from the knight's perspective: he waits centuries for someone to come relieve him of his post; a bunch of randos come in and disable all the traps, he tells them the one rule is they can't leave with the Grail, and five minutes later they're trying to leave with the Grail, destroying the temple and burying it forever. No wonder he just stood there waiting to die at the end, he was dumbstruck by how he wasted his life! He could have just chucked the thing down a shaft or smashed it with a rock at any point in the last millennium and had the exact same results. Thanks to the fact no stores were interested in carrying Series 3 of a toyline that went on clearance before Series 1 arrived, this poor guy isn't even likely to get to have any adventures on your shelves. -- 11/02/24 Who would win in a fight: the Grail Knight in his prime or Altair from Assassin's Creed? Tell us on our message board, the Loafing Lounge.

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