Shocker Toys needs an editor

Toy News International has a new press release about Shocker Toys' Indie Spotlight. Now, this post isn't intended to comment on the toys themselves - after all, we have yet to see them. What we can comment on is the press release.

Indie Spotlight is a new action figure series from Shocker Toys presenting independent comic book characters in 6-7" super poseable figure form with a full size pack in comic (They debuted at Toy Fair 2008).

Okay, that parenthetical aside is unnecessary - it either should have been omitted or reworded. "Indie Spotlight is a new action figure series from Shocker Toys that debuted at Toy Fair 2008." Also, "super-poseable", "full-size" and "pack-in" should all be hyphenated.

The 6" Comic Book action figures Series 1

Why is "Comic Book" capitalized? It's not the name of the line - that would be Indie Spotlight. It's also incorrect to say "Series 1" after a descriptor like that. A better sentence would be "The first series of six-inch comicbook action figures"

features (Jim Valentino's ShadowHawk, Rob Schrab's Scud the disposable assassin, Terry Moore's Katchoo of 'Strangers in Paradise', David Mack's Kabuki and MTV's The Maxx in 8".

Finishing the previous sentence with the word "features" implies a list is following - thus, the single parenthesis is out of place. Comic titles, such as Strangers in Paradise, should be italic, not in single quotes. "Disposable Assassin" should be capitalized, since it's part of the character's full title. And while the Maxx did have a cartoon on MTV more than a decade ago, the network does not own the character - that should be Sam Kieth's The Maxx.

Additionally, just because Maxx is an 8" figure, that desn't mean he's not in the same 6" scale as the rest of the figures.

Series 2 is set to consist of Dick Tracy, Zombie King (Deadworld), Jack Staff, Ignacia (Wildguard) and The Tick Build a Figure.

Why does this list not include the creators' names, like the first list did? Consistency matters. And again, the comic titles should be italicized.

With the creators of each character involved, Indie Spotlight will strive to create the perfect version in each figure

"of" each figure

and connect fans to the creators on a more personal level. Focusing on classic characters as well as underground favorites and new arrivals to the panels, INDIE SPOTLIGHT will bring these icons of the Independent Comic Universe to comic shops all over the world and into the homes of the fans who have come to love them.

"Independent Comic Universe" isn't a proper title or phrase, and thus shouldn't be capitalized. Additionally, suddenly putting "Indie Spotlight" in all-caps is bad copyediting. It's fine if you want to all-cap the name of the line, but only if you do it every time it's used.

For the first time ever, the likes of The Tick and Dick Tracy will stand toe to toe with Scud the Disposable Assassin and The Maxx! Retail price is $13.95 per figure and $14.95 for each Build a Figure. They are due out June/July of 2008.

I don't think Shocker understands what "Build a Figure" means. A BAF is a figure assembled from component parts included with the rest of the line: it is not a generic term for a slightly larger offering. A BAF does not have its own price.

Indie Spotlight features 20+ pts of articulation in every 6 inch scaled figure.

"6-inch-scaled" modifies the word "figure," and should be hyphenated.

President of Shocker Toys, Geoff Beckett stated

That's just poor structure. Either "Geoff Beckett, president of Shocker Toys, stated..." or "Shocker Toys' president, Geoff Beckett, stated."

"We want you to be able to recreate classic moments from your favorite comics so posability and accessories are key.

Previously, "poseable" was spelt with an e, so "poseability" should follow suit.

Shocker Toys wants to have as close a relationship with the creators of each character as you have come to have over the years of reading their books, so our figures will reflect that. We also realize that Indy Spotlight

Is it Indie Spotlight or Indy Spotlight? What's the name of this toyline?

will create it's own universe as it grows,

"its" own universe

so look for scale to play a big part in expressing the diversity from character to character with giant robots staring down super powered vixens and over muscled supermen going toe to toe with sickly, inhuman creatures..we'll have it all!"

"Super-powered" (or "superpowered"), "over-muscled" and "toe-to-toe." They're also missing a period in their ellipsis.

Other characters in the ever growing line up

Ever-growing line-up (or lineup).

are Dr. Solar, The Lone Ranger, The Phantom, Retro Rocket, Bog the Swamp Demon, Nexus, The Moth, Earthboy Jacobus, Atomika, Robotika, Fist of Justice, Liberty Girl and much much more.

No. So far the only characters in the lineup are ShadowHawk, Kabuki, Katchoo, Scud and the Maxx. These licenses may be signed (let's hope Shocker's learned that lesson), but they're not in the lineup yet.

The characters in the 6-7" action figure line will also grace the new cute 2.5" mini block figures called Shockinis with an Indie Spotlight 8 character per series line up.

Other Toylines slated for Shocker Toys 2008

Metalocalypse Dethklok action figures, GWAR action figures, Indie Spotlight Shockinis, Who wants to be a Superhero? Shockinis and 6" Feedback and the ever popular customizable, interchangeable, paintable mini shockini block figures. The Spotlight has also become a brand on its own such as Horror Spotlight, Anime Spotlight, Manga Spotlight, Movie Spotlight, Gamer Spotlight and more to come.

Has it? There hasn't even been an announcement hinting at that, let alone any actual change. Plans may call for The Spotlight to become its own brand in the future, but that certainly hasn't happened yet, and saying it has is, at best, misleading.

Now, a lot of that may seem like minor points, but this is the real world: grammar counts. A small company trying to launch a new series of toys can't afford to look unprofessional, not if they hope to be taken seriously. Being lax about that sort of thing may be fine on a message board, but in a press release? You need to crack the whip, Shocker, and shape up. You don't need to hire a proofreader to catch simple errors like these - just getting someone to read it before you send it to news outlets would catch a lot of mistakes.

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One Response to Shocker Toys needs an editor

  1. OAFE says:

    PS: Indie Spotlight has been picked up by a real store, apparently.

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